The massive celebrity divorce cases in recent times have raised questions in different groups. Everyone seems to be asking. Why do celebrity marriages fail? In an exclusive chat with Adetorera Idowu, sex and relationship expert, Praise Fowowe, highlights 5 reasons why celebrity marriages fail.
I always tell people that there is nothing called a bad marriage; you can only have two bad people or one bad person upsetting the system. People attribute marital breakups to several reasons but the part no one talks about is the upbringing of the people involved. If you have not been brought up as a whole person from childhood, by the time you get married you are already destroyed and naturally you won’t be able to run a marriage.
We often assume that because a person can speak English or act or sing, we assume the person is sane but most of the time I realise this is not true. When I counsel people and they tell me they are not happy in their marriages, the first question I ask is, “Have you ever been happy in your life?” And they realise they’ve never really been happy.
- Wrong intention
People get married for the wrong reasons. Some because they feel it’s the next thing to do. Some feel because they have money, while some others do it because all their friends are married. These reasons signal that your reason for getting married is wrong.
Only dead people can marry successfully. You have to be dead to yourself, dead to your ego; dead to what you think is right, dead to culture, dead to religion, dead to a whole lot of things. I’ve been married for over 8 years so I know what I’m talking about.
If I didn’t know many of these celebrities 10 years ago, I would have thought they were not born in Nigeria, because of the quality of lives they are living. Some of them wore patched up school uniforms while some were from extreme poverty. Suddenly, they start making money and they become totally different people.
It’s shocking that we are in such a hurry to catch up with Hollywood. We are not just producing like them; we are beginning to act like them. For those who find themselves on the red carpet consistently, when they get married, they don’t know how to switch from red carpet to domestic mode so they still carry the red carpet mentality into their homes.
At home, I’m a husband to my wife, a father to my children. I’ll be stupid to expect my wife to accord me the respect my fans accord me. She did not marry a celeb, she married a Praise Fowowe. That’s why I don’t know the difference between red or green or blue carpet. When people live their lives thinking that endorsement deals are a big deal then there is no way their marriages wont crash.
- Low self esteem
We have people who think that being on the red carpet is a big issue. If you find yourself on the red carpet and think you’re bigger than the whole world, you have a self esteem problem and self esteem has nothing to do with whether you’re a celebrity or not. I realise that people who behave like that are people who are very poor. Poverty has nothing to do with money; poverty is a thing of the mind. When you’re mentally poor and you have something that looks like money, you’ll be rude to people.
I’m free enough to eat roasted corn on the road.
Because you’re a celeb, when your car breaks down you feel pressured, meanwhile it’s a normal thing. If I have to go from my office to Opebi and there is traffic and I have an appointment to catch, I will pick a NAPEP and go where I want to go. It doesn’t change me.
When people have low self esteem, it manifests in so many ways so we call it irreconcilable differences. Irreconcilable difference is another word for immaturity. Mature people can reconcile every now and then.